I am everything I hate. How did this happen? I don’t know why I’m hoping a week away from home will help something but I need something to click. I hoping that with being with the only friend I’ve ever really had will help me. Sure my boyfriend tells me things but I’m not the best at conversations. With Sarah its different. Maybe that’s why she’s still my best friend after living 5 years apart and talking everyday.
I need to know do I go forward or do I stop. Do I rethink, change, live? Say “fuck it” and just… Grr. This shit isn’t easy. Nothings on the same Page. I’m on chapter one and everyone else in my life is on a different book. Is it me? I get mixed things from everyone. I don’t want to be the burden. I will disappear so quick its not even funny.
You know what else sucks? Being in love with someone that you know isn’t happy with you. I mean…things just aren’t perfect. Also hoping this week apart will help us. Even if it’s for the worst. I don’t even like to think about it because I get all choked up and shit but it’s the truth. Maybe it is all my fault O.O not to play that card but really. Maybe I’m only good in small doses. I’m a clingy, jealous, sweet but cunty person. After 6 years of it maybe it’s all he can take.
Bah. I’m done. This was very uncomfortable for me.